Carl Icahn is a pretty colorful guy, but when it comes to exotic MLPs he’s just another plain-vanilla bean counter trying to blend in with cemeteries, amusement parks and the odd Hawaiian macadamia orchard.

Within the small minority of master limited partnerships not engaged in energy extraction, transportation or storage, most are financial firms using MLPs’ exemption from the corporate income tax to fatten the net worth of their owners.

In this pursuit, Icahn Enterprises (NYSE: IEP) is in some enviable company, joined by the likes of The Blackstone Group (NYSE: BX), The Carlyle Group (Nasdaq: CG), Apollo Global Management (NYSE: APO), KKR (NYSE: KKR) and Fortress Investment Group (NYSE: FIG).  These are the best known names in private equity. Distressed debt specialist Oaktree Capital Group (NYSE: OAK) is also a member of the club, as is investment banker Lazard (NYSE: LAZ).

Icahn Enterprises’ $8.5 billion market capitalization places it second behind Blackstone’s $12.5 billion, so these are midsized sharks swimming in a pretty small pond. Over the last year only Apollo has surpassed Icahn’s 88 percent rise by doubling its shares price, but Fortress has come close while Blackstone is up 60 percent. (Meanwhile, Carlyle has gone absolutely nowhere.)

Fun Ride for Private Equity

All of them offer distributions more modest than Oaktree’s or even Icahn’s, with the exception of  KKR, which has a trailing yield of 8.2 percent. But all of these partnerships offer a similar proposition: investing in the alternative asset managers still profiting from the last bust while raising funds to take advantage of the next one.

In fact, just today Oppenheimer noted that “the publicly traded private-equity companies generally have a stellar track record creating value for both their LPs [limited partners] and their shareholders.” It particularly likes Apollo and KKR for their “carry,” that is the firms’ share of client profits in funds not yet liquidated, and Fortress for its credit expertise and hedge funds.

None of these names ought to be owned primarily for the distributions, though the same could be said of any MLP.

Some of the odder non-financial, non-energy partnerships are described in greater detail in this week’s issue of MLP Investing Insider.  Amusement park operator Cedar Fair (NYSE: FUN) has been the clear standout among these with a 120 percent surge over the last two years and a 30 percent rally since the beginning of the year. It still yields 5.7 percent after increasing its quarterly distributions 56 percent this year. Revenue is up 6 percent year-over-year year-to-date, driven mostly by higher spending per visitor.

As for that macadamia orchard, Royal Hawaiian Orchards (OTC: NNUTU) made no money selling nuts in the last quarter because bad weather (in Hawaii!) ruined the crop. It just goes to show not every hard nut needs cracking.